So my American friends are today recovering from all that turkey, and many are heading out to the malls to start some serious Christmas shopping. I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving!

I’ve written before about Patti Digh, author of the wonderful and inspiring Life is a verb: 37 days to wake up, be mindful, and live intentionally. Her Thanksgiving post links to another from 2008, which opens with the quote:

“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.” - John E. Southard

She goes on to encourage readers to think of the people we are grateful for and be sure to thank them.

“Where we place our attention is where things surface. If I am looking for things to complain about, I will find them. If I am looking for things to be grateful for, those will emerge.”

Be grateful. Say so. Get even.

At two recent networking events, someone commented that I am always well-dressed. A translator I once worked with was surprised to find, when we finally met in person, that I wasn’t the scruffy, unwashed writer he had expected.

People imagine that independents sit around in our bathrobes and fuzzy slippers, and therefore we don’t know how to clean up real nice.

First of all, I do not work in my bathrobe. I shower, put on makeup, get dressed (usually in jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt) and am at my desk by 9 a.m. Freelance writers may have freedom, but they must also be disciplined and professional.

Second, I usually work with and for corporate communications people. They are a well-dressed crowd. I am part of that crowd, even though my office is at home. So when I leave my office to meet other people, I like to look the part, and that means a jacket over a skirt or pants, if not a suit. Even if the event involves other independents, not corporate communicators, I like to look professional. If I know the group, I might wear jeans (dark wash or black), but I’ll still have a jacket on top.

In fact, a nice jacket — like the red one that gives my blog its name — is pretty much the independent gal’s secret weapon. Throw a jacket on, with perhaps a striking necklace and lipstick, and people will always think you are well-dressed.

It isn’t frivolous fashion. You are marketing yourself even before you open your mouth, and image and appearance matter if you want to be taken seriously.

I lost another friend last week, this time to inflammatory breast cancer. It’s a particularly nasty form that often comes on suddenly, acting similar to mastitis (also an inflammation, usually related to breastfeeding), and spreads quickly. Her oncologist had only seen 12 cases in his practice, and every one of the women who had it died.

By chance, my husband and I had been in her town three weeks earlier and arranged to visit; two weeks later, she was gone. The funeral was this past weekend. (This is a good time to remind you to hug the people you love every chance you get!)

I recently heard that another friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer; fortunately, not the inflammatory kind. So far, she’s had a lumpectomy, and I will be in touch this week to see where things are at. Two other friends have been through breast cancer treatments and recently passed the magical five-year mark.

So over the years, I’ve been collecting suggestions on how to best support a friend who has cancer. These are some ideas:

Make sure she knows about community support groups. Wellspring is one resource in many Canadian cities that offers workshops and discussions, newsletters, a lending library and a quiet place to meet with other patients and family members who share similar concerns, questions and needs. The one near me has sessions coming up that deal with post-treatment depression and eating well on a budget.

Go online and get informed. One of the first places to look online is a reputable organization like the Canadian Cancer Society. Whether or not your friend goes online, you should, to learn as much as you can.

Get involved, if your friend wants you to. Maybe you can drive your friend to appointments, or sit with her when she’s going through chemo. Find out if she feels like a visitor.

Offer practical help, and be specific. Rather than say, “Let me know if I can help,” say “When can I…” and offer to do something — housekeeping, laundry, shopping, updating other friends on her progress. Bring dinner or goodies you know she likes (call first) but may not feel like making herself; best if it’s something she can freeze and reheat in case someone else has brought something.

Stay in touch. The treatment cycle is long, and people sometimes feel awkward about checking in because they don’t know what to say. (How about just, “I was thinking of you”?) Keep in touch by e-mail. Randomly send a card or flowers to let her know you are thinking of her.

Have you helped support a friend with cancer? What did you do?

From November 5 to 11, Canadians celebrate Veterans’ Week, remembering and honouring the veterans who fought in past wars and the soldiers who are still fighting for freedom. November 11, the day that marked the end of World War I, is both Remembrance Day here and Veterans’ Day in the U.S.

The poppy has been the official symbol of remembrance since 1921. Why a poppy? Poppies bloomed across some of the worst battlefields of Flanders during World War I, memorialized in a famous poem by Canadian military physician John McCrae. In Flanders Fields opens:

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

Over on Twitter, a number of people have opted to show support for veterans and mark Remembrance Day by adding a poppy to their avatars or photos. When I did so, someone objected, protesting that I should support the Legion by buying a poppy to wear. “Just how many WWI & II veterans do you think are on Twitter?!?!” she asked.

Well, I don’t imagine many vets are on Twitter, but as I see it, the whole point of the virtual poppy is awareness. I do buy a poppy pin and wear it (on the left, close to my heart), and I bought one for each of my sons, too. The virtual poppy is a reminder to others to do the same. In fact, Veterans Affairs Canada encourages Canadians to include social media in the way we show that we remember and honour our Canadian veterans:

“Change your Facebook profile picture with a poppy, write on your wall about how you remember…write about remembrance on your blog…However you choose to remember, be sure you share with a friend, a family member or a colleague. Encourage them to take up the challenge too.”

My father, now 84, enlisted in the army, eager to serve. His older brother saw combat but Dad never did, having come down with pneumonia before being sent overseas. He was just 20 when the war ended and has always regretted that he never made it to a battlefield. I remind him that I might not be here if he had.

So I’m wearing a poppy on my jacket and on my photo to show that I’m grateful for the men and women who have fought and continue to fight for the freedom we enjoy. I’ll be even more grateful when the day comes that war is just a distant memory.

If you used Google today, you will have noticed the “l” looks a little different. In fact, it looks like a pair of legs — those bright orange legs belonging to Big Bird. The “doodle” celebrates the fact that Sesame Street is 40 this month.

I’ve blogged before about how much I have enjoyed Sesame Street over the years, and how its writers rule at clever word play, especially in the songs. A number of them are found in the 50 best Sesame Street moments.

And I have to give Google’s graphic designers props, too. They do the most clever and engaging things with a seemingly static logo!

Update: the doodles went on all week with different characters. My favourite: Cookie Monster’s googly eyes as the OO!