With Valentine’s Day on the doorstep, this may be a timely question. How do you meet that special someone, especially when you’re widowed? Once upon a time, people met at church or pursuing hobbies or through a friend or family member. These days, people of all ages are more likely to turn to online dating.
My client had surveyed its members, many of them retired teachers, asking if they had tried online dating sites. My assignment was to follow up and get the details for their quarterly magazine, all about the future of aging. The results are in my article below, featured on page 14 of RTOERO’s Winter 2025 issue of Renaissance.
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Back in the game
Yes, you can still find love online
Online dating has been the go-to way to meet people for two decades, but lately the drawbacks are turning younger people off the experience. Scammers. “Free trials” that blossom into expensive subscriptions. Hours of sifting through profiles only to come up empty. Rejection and “ghosting.”
What about older adults? According to a survey by OurTime, a dating site for singles older that 50, 53% of Canadian seniors have tried online dating. And a rise in dating sites designed for those 50-plus, as well as specialized sites, means there are lots of new ways to connect with a potential companion.
We asked RTOERO members if they have tried online dating sites. Some had great experiences, others did not, and yes, some were leery of the possible problems. And some found love the second time around.
Daughter-approved
Cindy Ranieri, 66, embraces the view that “In the end, it’s only the relationships that matter.” She had been widowed for more than 20 years when she went online with a relationship in mind.
Ranieri had tried online dating before, and she found it takes work. She believes in chatting first, then meeting in person. If there’s no chemistry, she wishes them well and moves on. For a time, she was on Plenty of Fish. Then she left, because she was already meeting people on vacation, in church and with groups she was interested in. She was with someone for four years, but they broke up just before the pandemic.
Ranieri had been thinking about going back online when her daughter’s friend nudged her into action. The friend helped choose photos and Ranieri wrote the profile, then promptly did nothing else. A week later, the friend came over, logged in and said, “Oh look, 11 men want to chat with you.”
The first person Ranieri responded to was Allan Griner, 70 and divorced. “I showed my daughter, and she thought he was perfect,” Ranieri says. “We were so compatible, it didn’t seem possible he was real.”
The two chatted three times, then met at a Tim Hortons. Ranieri had said she could only stay an hour but they yakked for two and a half. It was only after their third date, when she went to his house for a barbecue, that she discovered he lived just minutes from her. “He lives south of Highway 7 and I live north, and we have a completely different circle of friends,” Ranieri says. “We would never have crossed paths.”
She next met his two sons and his large extended family. “I’m the only non-Jewish person but everyone is just wonderful to me,” she says. The two now live together in their two homes, dividing the time depending on what’s happening.
“Being in love is no different whether you’re 20 or 60,” Ranieri says. “After being together for two years, it’s as good as it was in the first couple of days. We’re so compatible, it’s like he can see right into my heart.”
Finding new love
John Rager, 75, went through a period of isolation and mourning after his wife, Barbara, died in 2018. “Then I realized I still have lot of years left on this planet, so there’s no reason not to find love again.”
Rager had never dated much. He met Barbara by chance on the train to Toronto from Ottawa; they married a few months later and were together 47 years.
After Barbara’s death, Rager made a conscious decision to start a new chapter in his life. He got rid of all his furniture, sold his house and moved from Ottawa to Laval to live near his older son and two grandsons. He joined a local English-speaking seniors’ group and attended social gatherings. He did meet someone, who turned out not to share the same life goals. After some soul searching, Rager decided to try again.
“In April 2023, I posted a message on Facebook Dating that I wanted to meet a Québécoise to help me improve my French,” he says. Céline Durand responded almost immediately that she wanted to learn English. She was 73 and a widow.
When the two met for coffee, they managed to communicate – and laugh – despite the language difference. “Right away, I felt this is a person with a really open heart, and I wanted to get to know her better,” Rager says.
At first, their four adult children – his two sons, her son and daughter – were worried about a money scam, but they soon realized the relationship was solid. “They could see that we’re committed to each other, and it didn’t take long to get their blessing,” Rager says. “Not that you need it, but you want it.”
Now Rager spends a few days in Laval and the rest of the week at Céline’s house in Saint-Eustache, about 20 minutes away. They’re thinking ahead to a retirement residence together when they can’t keep up the property.
“I was looking for a true love and found it,” Rager says. And his French improved.
Rekindling the joy
It was difficult being widowed twice, says Adelaine Purdy, 77, “But you need to move on and find joy in living.”
Purdy didn’t date at all in high school, and met her first husband in church. They had been married 28 years when he died. After about a year, she reconnected with a former colleague who had also lost a spouse. They married and spent 22 years together, checking destinations off their travel bucket list after she retired as principal of an elementary school in London, Ont. Their final trip was in 2020, and his death during the pandemic threw her into a dark hole.
Toward the end of 2021, Purdy was lonely and wanted companionship. She resumed ballroom dancing as a hobby; a couple of men asked her out and she enjoyed having someone to talk to, but there were no sparks. In early 2022, a friend encouraged Purdy to try online dating.
“I was 75 at the time and only had a six-month contract with Elite Singles,” she relates. “I went on three or four dates and was about to give up when I was contacted by someone from a sister site, SilverSingles.” The two emailed back and forth for about a week before meeting in person, going on a picnic.
Sparks flew. Despite the strikes against Tom Grand (he lived in Welland, a good 2.5 hours’ drive away, and was five years younger), the two immediately clicked. She met his sons and his brothers and visited his house. One year later, he proposed. With the approval of their sons (one for her and three for him), the two married in July 2023 and the new Adelaine Grand is happily living with Tom in Welland. “We consider ourselves very fortunate to have found each other in this vast universe,” she says.
Still looking
Chris Dunn, 88, has a motto since his wife of 53 years, Geraldine (Gerri), died unexpectedly in 2015: “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
Dunn and his wife had retired in their late 50s and enjoyed more than 20 years of retirement together (“It wasn’t enough!”). He has no intention of remarrying, which suits his three grown children. Still, he’d like to find an athletic woman willing and able to join in the hiking, biking, travelling and other things he enjoys.
He’s been on several dating sites, meeting a mix of obvious scammers and legitimate prospects. “I’ve met two or three wonderful ladies and still consider them friends,” Dunn says. “One was an excellent travel partner and we went hiking in Portugal and on a Mediterranean cruise. But distance was an issue and we drifted apart.”
For now, Dunn is still single, still lives alone and is still looking for a partner…but he hasn’t given up hope.
Online dating? RTOERO members have advice
- Keep your profile real. “Be truthful with who you are and what you want.” – Lety Dudgeon
- Be selective and listen to your instincts. “You quickly learn to weed out the inappropriate contacts.” – Trixy Benner
- Be careful. “It’s so easy to be catfished [where a user pretends to be someone else] unless you are vigilant.” – Lenore Ralph
- Do not walk blindly into online dating. “Most people are not what they seem. Everyone has an agenda.” – Helene Daleman
Opting out of online dating? Try these old-school alternatives
- Let friends and family know you’d be open to an introduction
- Reconnect with people from your past (best friend, high school sweetheart, sports team members)
- Try speed dating
- Go to local community events like free museum days
- Put on your dancing shoes and attend singles nights
- Visit your local library for genealogy research classes, book clubs or author readings
- Join a wine club and attend its regular events
- Go to your local RTOERO events to connect with others; someone may know someone
- Sign up for painting classes or live music nights at local restaurants or bars
- Check your church, local legion and senior centres for activities, classes and events
- On vacation or out with friends, be open to starting conversations with new people
Related reading:
How do retirees use the power of creativity?
Talk to retirees about their simple pleasures
Find the secrets to a happy retirement