Not to pick on lawyers or anything, but I found a letter to shareholders that’s clearly written by a committee of legal beagles. With an opening that crammed 120 words into one sentence, it cried out for the “Before & After” treatment.
That’s just what I gave it in the June issue of my newsletter, Wordnerdery. See the “before” version of the opening two paragraphs, plus a confusing answer meant to better explain the “arrangement agreement (as amended by an amending agreement).” That line cracks me up.
I tried to make the opening more understandable by adding an introduction for context. With writing that’s quite dense, it’s also helpful to shorten sentences and use shorter, more familiar words. You can also move less important information out of the opening sentences, and use bullet points to break up large blocks of text.
See the more readable result of all of those actions in June Wordnerdery.
And if you’ve spotted a block of dense text that could use the “Before & After” treatment, please share! I’m always looking for good (and you know I mean bad) examples.
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