I ran across a couple of instances this week where the writer chose words that didn’t quite hit the mark, in my opinion:
- “Church for people who like church” (seen on a notice board outside a church). It appears to be out there as a selling feature, but if you already like church, that’s not exactly a new reason to visit. Unless the church wants to pull in more people who like the same old hymns and sermons, wouldn’t it be more of a selling feature for the church if it read “Church for people who don’t like church”? That’s a promise of something new and different.
- “Enchanting your garden” (seen on a truck advertising a landscaping company called Garden Elves). Cute tie-in to the elves, but do you care if your garden feels enchanted by the landscapers? You’re the one who wants to be enchanted! Wouldn’t it be more appealing (and accurate) if the Garden Elves promised “Building enchanting gardens”?
Think through what you want your words to convey, and make sure they do the job!