Make it personal: Today’s message certainly was. “Hello SUE!” it said in the subject line, and “Dear SUE” in the opening.
Keep it personal: Unfortunately, the next line said, “I wanted to send a note to wish each and every one of you…” Wait! I thought you were writing a personal note to ME. Shouldn’t that just say “a note to wish you“? Yes, it should, or you take away the illusion of a personal connection.
And, keep keeping it personal: Another line says, “Personally, I have received many emails and calls from you.” Well, in this case, it should not be “you.” I haven’t called or emailed her. She could have instead said something like, “I’m thrilled that so many of our customers have called and emailed…”
Give loyal readers a bonus: The message included a link to a $10 voucher I can use this weekend in the store or online. Nice.
TELL loyal readers you’re giving them a bonus: There was no mention of the $10 in the subject line, in the preview (which just said, “A note to you from our General Manager”), in the opening paragraph or any other immediately visible place. It came waaaaay down at the bottom, just before the GM’s signature. Many people probably missed it because they don’t scroll through the entire message. (What can I say, I am a reader.)
I have a few other nitpicks — no need to say “holiday season” twice in one sentence, no need to say “holiday season” over “holidays” — but I’ll leave it at that.
What lessons in email marketing is your in-box delivering to you?
6 ways to improve email subject lines